How to Create a No-Spoiler Version of Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. Part 6

I grew up watching the Star Wars Prequels and love them to no end, but I will admit that they’re flawed films. The fan base has, subsequently, provided a host of suggestions and proposals on how to fix or rewrite the Prequels. I’m sympathetic to that effort, but I want to go further.

I’ve become slightly obsessed with the idea of a ‘no-spoiler’ prequel trilogy. A version of the films that would allow new fans to watch the entire saga in chronological order without spoiling any of the twists or reveals of the original trilogy. It will be difficult to do, but if it’s possible, it would be awesome.

I’ve been trying to do just that. I’ve previously set out a series of rules for the rewrite and have completed an outline of the Phantom Menace.

Currently, I’m working on a no-spoiler outline of Attack of the Clones. In part 2, I outlined the opening scene of Episode 2: a peace conference on Alderaan that gets attacked, with Naboo Senator Padme Amidala as the clear target. In part 3, I outlined the aftermath and discussed Obi-Wan and Anakin’s dynamic. In part 4, they fought a monster. Part 5 introduced the Confederacy of Independent Systems and featured Count Dooku

Part 6 will focus on the reunion between Obi-Wan, Anakin and Padme. It will also include the city chase. These scenes will conform more closely to the actual film than in previous parts, but there will still be some changes.

Changes

The reunion between Padme, Anakin and Obi-Wan will occur similarly to the actual film. The two Jedi will arrive at an apartment on Coruscant, where they’ll meet Padme and her head of security. I guess Jar Jar will be there as well. That said, I am still going to make some changes. For one thing, the original version involves a lot of awkward silences, which will be removed. Obi-Wan and Anakin shouldn’t be angrily bickering in front of other people either. Their friendship is important to the overall story.

The biggest change I’m going to make is the nature of Anakin and Padme’s relationship. In the actual film, Anakin says that he’s thought about Padme every day since The Phantom Menace and Padme, in turn, obviously finds his behaviour unsettling (because it is). Then, later, inexplicably reveals she likes him back. It’s weird, creepy, and doesn’t make for a convincing love story. I’m changing it.

In my version of the Phantom Menace, Anakin and Padme were much closer in age and quickly became friends. In this film, I’d elaborate that, following Naboo’s liberation, they were best friends. But when Anakin’s training began, they went their separate ways and never saw each other again. That should serve as an effective foundation for their relationship in this film (more so than Anakin pining over a much older girl that he briefly knew a decade ago). Reminiscing about their childhood friendship will give them something to bond over.

Next, Anakin should not have been thinking about Padme nonstop since The Phantom Menace. Neither of them should have thought about the other much since they parted; they both have busy lives. Hence why they’re both surprised when Obi-Wan and Anakin are assigned to be her bodyguards. Padme could be fairly excited to see him again (a point I’ll revisit later), but the scene should essentially be a reunion of two people who used to be best friends but forgot about each other. Worse, upon their reunion, they should hit it off on the wrong foot. They won’t initially like each other.

The Reunion

In Anakin and Obi-Wan’s lift scene, following an establishing shot of their ship landing in the city, Obi-Wan can comment that it’s good to be back on Coruscant (to aid the film’s internal continuity), and then ask an unusually quiet Anakin if he’s nervous. Anakin will say he’s fine, it’s just another assignment. Obi-Wan shouldn’t really believe him, and will comment that Anakin and Padme were best friends as children. Anakin will dismiss that as being a long time ago. There should also be a few seconds of banter. Again, it’s important to emphasise that they are friends: to make Anakin’s fall more impactful and explain why Obi-Wan spent the rest of his life protecting Anakin’s children.

The reunion will play out in a similar way, albeit with the changes noted above. Padme will be happy to see them, though Anakin and Padme won’t initially know what to say to each other. Obi-Wan can quickly end the awkwardness by discussing the security arrangements. Anakin should, as in the actual film, want to find the culprit, but will be told no. The council will not approve an investigation with the order spread so thin. That said, it should be more jovial than in the actual film, not an uncomfortable argument, because the audience needs to like Anakin. He’ll say it in an upbeat and fairly amused way, something like “I wanted to investigate the attack, but apparently catching criminals is inefficient.”

All that said, the scene should end with Anakin and Padme coming close to an argument. Anakin should support the military creation act, believing the Republic should pre-emptively attack the Confederacy, which Padme opposes. I have a reason for this. In the previous film, I gave Anakin a ‘reverse Uncle Ben moment’; his refusal to be ruthless directly led to his mother’s death. He subsequently thinks that ruthlessness is required to protect people. This will inform his fall to the Dark Side and will be properly explored at a later point in the film. For now, Obi-Wan will play peacemaker, preventing an argument from breaking out.

The City Chase

The scene will be followed, as in the actual film, by another assassination attempt. The film has a fun action sequence here, which I’d like to keep. It’ll play out in almost the exact same way. Obi-Wan and Anakin will be having a brief conversation about Anakin finding it difficult to sleep; he keeps having nightmares about his mother’s death. The actual dialogue will have to be different since, in this version, she’s already dead. Obi-Wan should be more concerned than he appears in the actual film, but he shouldn’t be very good at consoling him.

They could also, briefly, discuss the reunion and Anakin’s former friendship with Padme, perhaps because Obi-Wan is trying to find a more positive topic. Anakin can comment that it, “Doesn’t seem like we’re still friends.” For added points, Anakin should also be tinkering with the electronics of his Lightsaber, trying to improve it, to distract himself. First, because Anakin likes fixing things, and second, because of the Lightsaber’s later importance to Luke. Its importance to Anakin needs to be emphasised.

As in the film, a droid owned by the assassin Zam Wesell will deposit a pair of poisonous insects in Padme’s room. The two Jedi will sense this and intervene. Anakin cuts the insects in half whilst Obi-Wan dives out of the window to catch the droid. Anakin grabs a speeder and a chase through the streets of Coruscant begins. This will end in a bar, and Zam Wesell will get killed before she can say anything. Also, that guy will try to sell Obi-Wan death sticks.

The only big change I’m making here (other than that conversation) is Zam’s death. Django Fett won’t be the one to kill her. Instead, there can be an electrocution device on her neck that activates when she starts to talk. “Looks like her employee didn’t want her getting captured.” I’m changing this, basically, to eliminate some convolution that, to my mind, weighs down the actual film. I’ll get into this in the next part.

End of Part 6

Part 7 will involve the discovery of Kamino and see Padme and Anakin’s return to Naboo.