A no-spoiler version of the Prequel Trilogy

Imagine how awesome it would be to watch the entire Star Wars saga in chronological order and still be surprised by all the original trilogy’s twists and reveals. It would be hard to accomplish, but I want to know if it’s possible to remake the prequels without including any spoilers. So, I’ve started writing a rough outline of how I think a no-spoiler version of the Phantom Menace should go.

In Part 1, I outlined my alternative opening.

In Part 2, I discussed Naboo and outlined the call to adventure.

Part 3 will involve the Jedi’s first encounter with the Trade Federation and discuss R2-D2 and C-3PO

The Trade Federation

The first stop on Qui Gon and Obi-Wan’s adventure should be a Trade Federation Ship, probably in orbit around Tatooine (because they’re searching for the Queen). This sequence will be reminiscent of the actual film’s opening, though with perhaps more action. Elements from the film version can also be incorporated, such as the conference room getting gassed and the Destroyer Droids/Droidekas.

I wasn’t entirely sure whether I should include this scene. I want the film to be concise, so it might have to be cut for time. That said, it does play an important role (hence its inclusion). Namely, it formally introduces the Trade Federation/the film’s main bad guy. They will have been glimpsed during the previous ‘call to adventure,’ but we need to see them outside of a recording. Otherwise, after hanging out on Tatooine for ages, it could be slightly jarring when they appear in the film’s final act. This sequence can also be used to introduce Darth Maul (“Now there are two of them!”).

The sequence will start as the Jedi enter the Federation ship’s hanger, with Qui Gon discovering that Obi-Wan has snuck along (ignoring his direct instructions). He’ll respond with some visible disapproval but will have to move on quickly. The two Jedi will be met in the hangar by Trade Federation Viceroy Nute Gunray. Cue some mutual chastisement: they’ll be commenting on each other’s illegal actions (they’re all operating outside Republic territory).

Qui Gon and Obi-Wan will be led to a conference room (Qui Gon should be hoping for a peaceful settlement). They can briefly argue about Obi-Wan’s recklessness while waiting for the Viceroy to join them. This should promptly give way to another (short) heart-to-heart conversation. This will help emphasise their bond and endear Qui Gon to the audience (which is important as he’s going to be killed off) whilst demonstrating his father-like nature (he was the teacher Anakin needed, as per Lucas and Filoni).

Qui Gon can say something along the lines of: “You will be a great Jedi someday, Obi-Wan. There’s not much more I can teach you. But before you are knighted, you must learn to be patient and calm. Once, the Jedi wondered the Galaxy and went wherever they were needed. But those were dark and dangerous times. We should not wish for their return. Jedi do not crave adventure or excitement, Obi-Wan. You must learn that.”

Meanwhile, the Viceroy Nute Gunray should have run off to the command room where, with the other Trade Federation leaders, he’ll start panicking about the Jedi’s arrival (like in the actual film). A hologram of Darth Sidious can then chastise them for letting the Queen escape Naboo in the first place. Sidious will declare that Jedi involvement could not be prevented. “Just be thankful Master Dooku was dissuaded from personally intervening.”

Sidious will then dispatch Darth Maul to find the Queen and order the Trade Federation to kill the Jedi, interrupting their heart-to-heart conversation. Cue the gas-filled conference room, Battle Droids and Droidekas. In the actual film, this action sequence is pretty short. I’d like to extend it a bit. The early film needs more action, and a daring escape to the planet below seems like a good time for it (to balance out the film’s politics-heavy nature).

After escaping the Droidekas, Qui Gon and Obi-Wan should try to return to the hangar but will find that their ship has been destroyed by a laser turret. They’ll subsequently need to commandeer an escape pod. This will require them to fight their way through a large number of Battle Droids (guarding the escape pod bay). Once they’re past the guards, they’ll take the escape pod down to Tatooine. The loss of their ship will leave them temporarily stranded on the planet (they also get stranded in the actual film). But I don’t think it’s that big a deal.

Getting stranded on Tatooine is a crucial plot point in the actual film. It occurs due to a faulty engine on their ship, and the search for replacement parts leads directly to Anakin’s introduction. I’m retaining the ‘stranded on Tatooine’ plot point to some extent. The only difference is that they’ll be stranded due to their ship’s destruction aboard the Federation cruiser. The Naboo ship (that the Queen was using) will likewise be inoperable and beyond repair. But I don’t think leaving the planet again would pose any difficulty; there are a lot of ships on Tatooine.

However, the entire premise of using an escape pod to escape the bad guy ship and then landing on Tatooine is reminiscent of A New Hope (it rhymes!). That’s the main reason I want to include it. It’ll just be Qui Gon and Obi-Wan instead of R2-D2 and C3PO. This reference will hopefully make audiences smile whether they’re watching in chronological order (first seeing it here and then in episode 4) or in release order.

To Tatooine: R2-D2 and C3PO

Speaking of R2-D2 and C3PO, I’m inclined to change their introduction. A part of me wants to leave them out entirely. Their inclusion in The Phantom Menace feels a bit forced. They were included solely for the purpose of being included. However, under my outlined rules, they do need to be included. Moreover, I think it’s a nice throughline if the entire saga has the droids at its centre, especially in a no-spoiler remake. A pair of familiar characters, who remain unchanged even as the world changes around them, will help audiences to accept the time jump between trilogies.

Nevertheless, their introduction in the film still feels like Lucasfilm winking at the camera and saying, “Remember these guys?” And after their telegraphed appearances, they don’t really do anything. Whenever a franchise (not just Star Wars) has a prequel, they nearly always include a checklist of recognisable features that they massively telegraph. “This is how your favourite character got x, y and z possession.” For example, in the Black Widow movie, a prequel to Infinity War, they fixate on how Natasha got her Infinity War jacket (a gift from her sister).

These checklists are always annoying, and I don’t like them (I don’t care how Han Solo got the dice ornaments that can be briefly seen in the Original Trilogy!). What’s more, this version of The Phantom Menace is intended to work as an introduction to the franchise. It should make sense even to someone who’s never seen the Original Trilogy. The wink-at-the-camera checklist doesn’t work in this context. R2-D2 and C3PO’s introduction needs to be played as if the audience has never heard of them. This also demands that they play a genuine, if small, role in driving the story forward. Something that justifies their introduction.

R2-D2 should be with Qui Gon and Obi-Wan from near the start of the film. R2 should be a possession of the Jedi Order that’s been temporarily assigned to Qui Gon’s ship. There should be some brief comment about how the Astromech is not their property (since Obi-Wan can’t recall ever owning a Droid). Or, perhaps, Jedi Master Count Dooku gives the droid to Qui Gon during the call-to-adventure, having uploaded the mission-critical info to R2’s memory banks.

R2 will (obviously) survive the destruction of their ship (in the Trade Federation hangar) and reunite with the two Jedi. He could be the one to inform them that the ship has been destroyed (possibly after some R2-D2 hijinks). When they go to the escape pod bay, the action set piece could involve R2 rapidly activating the escape pods (which the Trade Federation will have locked down) as Qui Gon and Obi-Wan fight off the advancing Battle Droids and Droidekas. R2-D2 will then accompany them to the planet below.

After landing in the desert, R2-D2 and the Jedi will soon discover the wreckage of the Naboo ship (they’re stranded on the planet). Obi-Wan will note that local forces (Hutts) shot it down and arrested the surviving passengers; finding the Queen can’t be too easy. This presents a narrative problem: how do they track the Naboo to Mos Espa (and meet Anakin)? The droids offer a solution.

With the survivors missing, the ship will be completely abandoned except for the bodies of those killed in the crash and the remains of a broken Protocol Droid, C3PO, too damaged to be worth stealing. In the Clone Wars TV show and Revenge of the Sith, C3PO is typically shown as belonging to Padme and/or the Naboo senatorial team. And in Attack of the Clones, she stole him from the Lars family! The idea that Darth Vader built C3PO, moreover, feels improbable. In this version, C3PO will have always belonged to the Naboo diplomatic branch and is now in pieces on their crashed ship.

Fortunately, the Jedi can use R2-D2 to repair (or at least reactive) C3PO. This, incidentally, will be the Droid’s first in-canon meeting and could involve a short argument about R2’s repair work (establishing the dynamic pretty quickly). The Jedi will promptly interrupt this and begin questioning C3PO on the Queen’s whereabouts.

C3PO can explain that, after escaping Naboo, a Trade Federation ship chased them to Tatooine. Their ship was shot down, and the survivors, including the Queen, were captured by slavers from the nearby town of Mos Espa. The scene should conclude with Qui Gon’s brief pondering that “we’re lucky the local Droid scavengers didn’t get to the ship before us” (this will set up the Jawas in episode 4).

The four characters, Qui Gon, Obi-Wan, R2-D2 and the still-damaged C3PO (possibly strapped to R2), will set off for Mos Espa.

End of Part 3

Part 4 will focus on Anakin’s introduction.

See y’all then.

-Dexter