I may have gotten carried away on this one, maybe let my mind wander a little too freely. But Princess Peach is a tyrannical dictator and all the toads/mushroom people have Stockholm Syndrome. I refuse to elaborate! Okay, maybe I will. How did the Mushroom Kingdom survive before Mario showed up?

The Mushroom Kingdom’s people, the confusingly named Toads (confusing because there’s a character called Toad – it would be like if my name was just ‘Human’), are normally depicted as being easily frightened and not particularly formidable. This means they can’t defend the Kingdom by themselves (hence why they need Mario). Occasionally the Toads are employed as guards, with spears and everything, but even then, they’re incapable of doing much. In the opening of Mario Galaxy, the Toad guards are shown hiding behind Peach when Bowser attacks. Some Toads are brave, like the yellow and blue Toads from New Super Mario Bros or the Toad Brigade, but I think these are exceptions to the rule. It’s possible, as well, that the brave Toads were chiefly inspired by Mario (given that they appear primarily in the later games). None of this behaviour is unreasonable. Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker makes it clear that even minor obstacles and enemies are insurmountable for the Toads. If Nintendo has made one thing clear about the Mushroom Kingdom it’s that the Toads can’t defend it. Bowser invades the Kingdom every other week and the Toads always need Mario to bail them out and save Peach. I’ve got to assume this situation was even worse before Mario arrived. The Kingdom must have been conquered on a regular basis.

On a related note, why are Toads ruled by humans? Because it’s not just Peach calling the shots. Mario Bros 3 establishes that the Mushroom World (a term used as synonymous with the Mushroom Kingdom) has multiple human kings ruling over the Toads and all of them, presumably, answer to Peach. Technically, this makes her Empress Peach rather than Princess Peach. The Mushroom Kingdom, in short, has an elite human aristocracy. How did this happen? Everything I’ve just said about the Kingdom’s pre-Mario vulnerability makes me think that its small clique of human rulers established their power through conquest. The Toads are not formidable and so a band of humans, bigger and stronger, simply took over! In one of the earliest posts I made on this blog, I suggested that Zelda, in Tears of the Kingdom, was planning to violently conquer and subjugate Hyrule. Now I think that Peach – or probably one of her ancestors – has already conquered and subjugated the Toads. Accusing Nintendo characters of violent conquest may seem a little odd – and maybe is – but I stand by it. (All power to the people! Viva la Revolution!) Also, the Mushroom Kingdom has a lot of castles, which historically existed to aid a small ruling caste in controlling an otherwise rebellious population. When the Normans conquered England in 1066, for example, they had to build hundreds of wooden castles to survive the constant stream of rebellions that occurred over the next 10 years. Before this, England had almost no castles. So maybe the Mushroom Kingdom is full of castles to deter a Toad rebellion against the ruling human conquerors. So do the Toads want to do what Peach and the other humans say, or do they do what she says because she’s an evil Empress who uses the ever-present threat of force to maintain her authority?

But wait, I hear you cry, the Toads love Princess Peach, they support her reign! But do they? We’ve only ever met the Toads of Peach’s court, the loyal Toads who live in and around her castle and are rewarded for their willing subservience. But we’ve never met the Toads who are trapped in serfdom and who suffer under the heavy royal taxes that support the human aristocracy. Who pays for Peach’s castle and garden and treasure? The oppressed Toad people do! And the Toads who do love Peach have Stockholm syndrome. The Mushroom Kingdom, I reckon, has a long history of tyrannical rule – because it’s so easy to conquer. Compared to this, Peach is relatively nice. She could beat the Toads up if she wanted but doesn’t (at least that we know of!) and that’s why they like her. They’ve confused the staying of her boot for benevolence! And when they do express grievance, she gives them some cake. Now, however, the Mushroom Kingdom is being invaded by Bowser and his Koopa army who, being bigger and stronger still, could easily displace the human aristocracy. And since Bower would probably be far more tyrannical than Peach, the Toads have rallied around their human oppressors as the lesser of two evils. But not all the Mushroom people are fooled.

The involvement of Goombas in Bowser’s army, on the face of it, doesn’t make sense. Especially if you, like me, have given it too much thought. The Koopa Kingdom is a kingdom of turtles. Why are the Goombas, a Mushroom people, fighting for tyrannical turtles against the Mushroom world? There’s got to be more going on here. Perhaps the Goombas have rejected human rule and, to that end, have allied themselves with whoever might disrupt it. In this case, it’s Bowser. Maybe he’s promised to create a free Mushroom world? And that’s why he’s primarily focused on abducting Peach and the other human rulers. He’s trying to liberate the Mushroom World, or at least pretending to. If Bowser instead defeats the human aristocracy and then makes himself the new ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, the Goombas will likely oppose him as well.

So, yeah. Peach is the leading member of an aristocratic ruling caste that has conquered and suppressed the Mushroom Kingdom. The Toads love her primarily because they’ve got Stockholm syndrome and also because they are more scared of Bowser. Alternatively, Nintendo didn’t put this much thought into it and we’re not meant to either. It’s probably that one, but this was fun to do anyway. Bye-all!

-Dexter